As a child, I used to observe people around me who were said to be led by the “silent killer”. I often asked this question from my elders as to what are people talking about and who is the silent killer? Is it a person or what is it? They never answered my innocent questions. I was awed by the silent killer. Those whom I loved or cared about were taken away by the “silent killer”. And I was clueless. Today, I will talk about the silent killer and how it has shaped my life.
Growing up, always thinking about the silent killer, I thought of fighting it when I reach the age of my elders or perhaps earlier if I get to meet him/her. Unfortunately, I never got the chance to meet the “silent killer”. However, I was fortunate enough to meet other silent killers. I coped with them one by one and each one transformed me into a better me.
My first silent killer was my final Graduation result which was not sufficient to get me admission in the History Department of Quaid e Azam University on merit basis. Back in 2000’s, it was a prestigious university, it still is. I did make it in the self finance quota but that was against my pride.
I had applied in the University of Modern Languages, which equally was a prestigious university. There, I was not only given admission on merit but rather it came as a blessing in disguise. I, not only completed the program with flying colors but was offered a place to teach in the English department to the Masters’ student. It was a matter of great pride for me. I took this opportunity, and fulfilled it successfully.
After, a period of two years, I moved to a second phase of my life; my second “secret killer”. The country’s Central Superior Services Examination, which makes the Bureaucracy. I, worked really hard for it, passed the written but could not make it in the services. God has His ways. I was supposed to go elsewhere. At that moment, I just did not know where I was meant to be. It was a dark phase of my life. This “secret killer”, was killing me slowly but then…
There was light which I found on the platform of NOMAD arts gallery and cultural center. Since childhood, I had a passion for drawing and putting my thoughts on paper and canvas with whatever medium was available to me. The first six months of my time there, were mostly drawn in black ink. It was my transformation both worldly and spiritually that drew me towards colors again. I am thankful to my elder sister and mentors who saw the real me and exposed me towards this venue.
From, here started my journey which ever since has transformed me into a better version everyday. Not only have I exhibited my work in various galleries but have allowed me to learn a little more about me and the world around me.
I, have learnt to face my “secret killers”, through pain and turmoil, through experimentation and change,through solitude and meditation and through listening and expressing. All those who are troubled with or have “silent killers” with them, my advice to you all is to face them, talk it out with someone who will not judge you, be confident in the things you do. Take hold of a medium/skill you are good at and develop that. Everything that surrounds us is for a reason and has value of its own. Read it, understand it and follow it. Give a meaning to your life.
In the end, I would say, know your “silent killer” before it becomes your “real killer”.